Disposition

I think I finally understand why the College of Education at NIU bothers me so strongly. Once you enter the program after fulfilling all the requirements, they force us to take classes in sections. This limits our choices of when to take a class and with whom. Once you get in, these instructors teach their courses by the design of their respected departments. And here's what upsets me: you would think that if the college designs a program around courses set to correlate with each other that the departments actually communicate! The assignments, the demands and expectations, and the workload is so off tangent that it makes students frustrated and discouraged. Was this the college's intent? "To kill off the weak?"

Communication with other teachers is what they drill into our minds in all of the courses, but these instructors and departments do not follow what they preach. If we are to teach our students by modeling what we want them to do, then our college is not acceptable. No matter how great an instructor is, the problem still remains that these teachers lack the empathy or desire to help us succeed in becoming in-service teachers.

Sense of Ownership

The textbooks we use in our pre-service classes discuss the importance of developing a sense of ownership for our students so that they can have a deeper connection to what they're learning. I strongly believe in creating a curriculum that matters to them; otherwise, how will they ever believe a higher education would be of any worth to them?

My question for this is about a college education? Don't we need a sense of ownership as well? All the essays, projects, readings, but for what? Do our professors consider the students in their planning and assigning? Do the departments even think we matter? I have spent many nights writing up papers or reading up on chapters from the text wondering, "what's the relevance? The books tell me why I should read it, but when was the last time the professor actually gave us a thoughtful and sensible reason?"

Why is college treated so different from elementary and secondary education? Do people stop thinking a certain way right after graduating from high school? Are we robots that can purely learn from a teacher-directed lecture?

A New Sentiment Emerging

Since this semester has started, I've had this distressing feeling. This feeling like what we're doing for our students is not what we should be doing. The courses, the philosophies, the implementations--everything seems to lose its validity through my eyes. My classmates, the teachers, the students.. they're hearing but they're not listening. Is it because everyone's lives are so busy? Can we no longer stop and listen?

-------
Article Review: “Creating Culturally Responsive, Inclusive Classrooms”

Many techniques and strategies offered in this article are listed in the textbooks and lectured in our in-service courses, but it’s restated over and over for in-service teachers. There must be an explanation-the teachers are not applying what they learn. My clinical teacher behaves in this manner; she had a self-confidence team-building exercise required, but she modified it to her class. The class was to pass around a “shining star” and write positive comments about each other, but the teacher felt 8th graders would not take it seriously and directed students to work independently and fill it in themselves using skeleton sentences, such as “I am good at…” Her behavior contrasted the ideas I have been taught in my courses: demonstrate what you want the students to do, encourage cooperative learning, and make it relevant. So this brings me back to my earlier point. The teachers I have had an opportunity to talk to say that they have not learned much from college. What happened to them? What will happen to us? I fear that many of us are already encouraged to drop the research and practices for the easier route. Perhaps, our college instructors themselves are not relating the courses to the students. The courses do not give us the deeper impact, the relevance, or the inspiration to do more.
From reading, the guidelines do not seem like it involves a lot of time and effort to implement. What reason can there be? The teachers are trained to teach and follow, but not to lead and take a risk to do more.

an assignment

I was assigned a rather tedious make-up assignment from the College of Education recently. I wrote this when I had the time; it was more of a reflection off of the given assignment because it wasn't challenging and as an adult, I felt that it did no good to simply do what I was told. In the end, I will probably not hand this version to her. If students had a voice in the policies of our education department...

Make-up summary for seminar 2:

Upon completing the slide notes for Seminar #2, I have come to the conclusion that these seminars are needed for administrative purposes. We are instructed to be professional, not just for the sake of our own development, but because we will get a disposition notice. The students of this college, those who earned a slot into the program, are taught with fear and juvenile techniques. They are in fear of making a mistake, to take a risk and ask questions. Are we not adult enough to put away the cellular phone or dress appropriately if only the speaker asks? Are we still children that need adults to formulate rules and bans? Seminars are tools for the administration to successfully create men and women that will continue to listen and follow the traditions of a failing system.

In order to meet the satisfactory requirements of this assignment and keep me from getting into problems, I shall focus on the ways to implement the key points covered. Besides the fact that I had to discuss this already on the powerpoint slides handout (on every single slide, no matter how obvious; see slides 1-3 and 8), I shall not challenge my instructor’s directions and shall regurgitate in a summary manner. Yes, pre-service teachers must not be treated like adults. Assigning the notes on the seminar is not enough; assign it again as a 1 ½ to 2 page summary!

Student-teaching confirmation forms are approaching on our timeline. We have been told through the seminar to follow a certain protocol. Once we receive the email from Sue Lowell, we will need to go to the office and take the form to the school. It has to be signed and submitted within two weeks of receiving placement. Contacting the teacher is a priority, but visiting is not. That is, if it is received during the three-week block, then we are to wait until it is finished.

The take-away idea for this seminar is called the 3-Step Interview. Interviews are done in pairs and then assimilated into another. Communication skills are practiced as well as critical thinking. What you learn from another should have a connection to each other or on the topic.

The last key point I have missed is the first assigned reading from the Wong textbook. To implement high expectations, I will organize my goals and expectations into something tangible. This is effective when students have no guidance on the first day. To support this point, I connect the video of Chelonnda Seroyer’s presentation. She provided clear rules and guildelines. The students knew that her classroom does not get distracted by low expectations. By using her own childhood, Seroyer exemplified a first-hand source: create a structured environment that remains consistent and safe even when everything else is chaotic. Students should feel that a classroom will provide a learning environment and away from inconsistencies of their lives.

Do you really want to be free, or just comfortable?

I just read an article from the Tricycle website, and it really inspired me. It is a really good read, but I know that many people don't have time to just sit down and read an article about spirituality. So I'll just highlight some things.

He’d always explain to me that my actions had consequences. And, most important, he taught me that we have the right to ask questions about anything and everything. But with that right comes a responsibility: If we’re going to question the actions of others, we also have to be willing to question our own.

The author was raised in a Jewish family, but his family rejected all religions and raised his children to think in a scientific manner. He wanted them to think critically and question the why's and the how's. It's a very good way to raise children in my opinion. Rather than to take your child to church every weekend to teach them what is right and wrong without ever giving them the choice often seems absurd to me.
Back to the article..

Should we take the practice of the dharma is learning how to live, and this is both hard and joyful work. Practice makes extraordinary demands of us. It requires that we take nothing for granted, that we accept nothing on faith alone. If we practice with diligence and honesty, then we must question everything about ourselves; we must challenge our most basic beliefs and convictions, even those we may have about the dharma itself. Of all the teachings of the Buddha, the Kalama Sutta is one of my favorites precisely because it encourages such rigorous inquiry into our beliefs. Indeed, if Buddhism were not infused with the spirit of this sutta—a spirit of questioning, of critical examination—I’m quite sure I would not have a meditative practice today.

I believe in this full-heartedly; just because you follow a practice, religion, or philosophy doesn't mean it must be followed to the teeth. I believe that more people need to challenge their beliefs, because there are so many problems in this world and they're all based on our values. Ill people with no medicare in Africa, terrorism in the Middle East, hate crimes all over the world.. all starts from what we believe in.

Exclusive truth-the author believes this is what people are more comfortable with; something concrete and definite. Something that they can put their faith into.

Actually, I think their skepticism is very admirable, and rather unusual. The history of the world reveals that people are drawn to those who provide a strong, uncompromising teaching. We’re drawn to those who say, “This is it, and everyone else is wrong.” Certainly we see this pattern in contemporary politics, but we also see abuse of this sort within spiritual circles. It makes you wonder: Do we really want freedom? Can we handle the responsibility? Or would we just prefer to have an impressive teacher, someone who can give us the answers and do the hard work for us?

There’s a teaching story from China: People came from far and wide to hear the dharma talks of a young teacher. Apparently he had some depth. And one day, an old master came to hear him. He sat in the back of the meditation hall while the young teacher was giving a dharma talk. But the young teacher saw him, and out of respect, knowing that he was a renowned teacher and also much older, said, “Please, come up here, sit next to me while I give my talk.” So the old master rose and sat next to him. The young teacher resumed his talk, and every other word was a quotation from a different sutra or Zen master. The old master started to nod off in front of everyone. And the young teacher could see this out of the corner of his eye, but he just continued. The more authorities he cited, the sleepier the old master became. Finally, the young teacher couldn’t stand it anymore, so he asked, “What’s wrong? Is my teaching so boring, so awful, so totally off?” At that point, the old master leaned over and gave him a very hard pinch and the young teacher screamed, “Ouch!” The old master said, “Ah! That’s what I’ve come all this way for. This pure teaching. This 'ouch' teaching.”

How do we balance internal authority with external authority? As the Buddha says, just because something is ancient doesn’t mean it’s true. Just because it’s new doesn’t mean it’s true. Just because it’s in the scriptures doesn’t mean it’s true. Just because it seems reasonable, or you like the person teaching it, doesn’t mean it’s right.

So what is the test of truth? The Buddha offers a simple formula: Test things in terms of cause and effect. Whatever is unskillful, leading to harm and ill, should be abandoned; whatever is skillful, leading to happiness and peace, should be pursued. Apply the test of skillfulness to all teachings in all your actions. Where is this teaching taking you? Is it moving you in a direction that is wise and kind? One quick test isn’t enough, you know.

I cannot say that I'm Buddhist or Christian when I'm still experiencing life. Just like Larry Rosenberg of the article says, we need to see the cause and effect of our lives.

article: Tricycle.

Post LDAC

I left for the 5th regiment of LDAC back in June and got back home in July. It was an interesting experience; the weather was amazingly cool and hot rolled in one day, and I made some friends.. Well I would think they were friends, but things like this in ROTC is a bit grey. I passed everything, but at one point I certainly thought I would have to go home and do it all over again next summer.

Assessment was a problem, because the grader is not always around to observe your day of leadership so one would have to rely on a yellow card. The yellow cards are used to make yourself sound awesome and brilliant. Exagerrate and elaborate. It is the key to getting that "excellent" grade rather than a "satisfactory." This whole game at LDAC confronted my religious beliefs, and it was definitely a point worth thinking about.

Was getting an E at LDAC worth sacrificing my values and beliefs? In the end, even the Army wasn't worth ruining my chances of spiritual enlightenment and human honesty. I passed with a Satisfactory grade. Fine with me. Do I really need the graders to know how much I've done for my platoon? In the eyes of the Army, yes, but in my eyes, I believe there is more to life than this. I figured this was all another obstacle on my road to self peace and happiness. How can you care about others when you can't be honest with yourself? That's what I think about when I look at these lame evaluation cards. If I know that I did my best for my men, and they know it too, then it's all well said and done.

And that was LDAC. I really didn't like it all that much; it was TAC-dependent. If you had some really traditional and stubborn cadre following you around like me, then you'll have a sour taste in your mouth. Just get er done.

New LTC promo out!

I don't know how I stumbled upon this new LTC promo on youtube, but it exists!
My friend is also in it; she's interviewed about swimming or something along those lines. It was fun to see this video and it brought back great memories.

Roosevelt University

My friend Valerie just graduated from Roosevelt University last weekend, and I'm so proud of her! I'm also proud of all my friends that have graduated on time as well.

I'm envious; I wish I could be graduating this year as well. I still have till December 2010 to graduate. I'm even more envious of my friends back in my old school IIT. That school is a tough place and a very selective kind of place. It's definitely not for everyone. I learned that a learner and person like me would not be compatible with that environment, but I loved the people there and some of the perks of being in Bronzeville, Chicago. So congrats to my friends from there; I wish I could've been there.

Back to Roosevelt University.
The graduates had their commencement at the Auditorium Theatre. It's a classy place and the attendants and guests surely dressed appropriately. It was an obvious contrast to the commencement at NIU. I guess you get a different atmosphere with private schools.

Do you mind if I smoke?

That was the question this peculiar messy girl asked my friend and me today as we were smoking out in the back. We thought she was just joking around (although not funny) because we were already having a smoke.

She whips out a joint. Wow, smoking a joint at 3 in the afternoon in broad daylight. If she had balls, they'd be big.

silly survey..

Have you ever thought about getting your lip pierced?
Yes. I'd love piercings.

Does a kiss make you feel better?


Have you ever passed out on the bathroom floor?
Of course I have. It's like asking, "Should you have taken six shots of whiskey?"

Do you start the water before you get in the shower or when you get in?
Yeah, the dorm showers kind of suck in the morning.

What did you do today?
I took my first final exam of the week. I'm a bit nervous about the results. I also found my xrays.

Have you ever brushed your teeth while in the shower?
Hmm... no. is it as good as peeing in the shower?

Have you had more than 3 boyfriends/girlfriends at the same time?
Oh that would be dreamy. So no.

Have you ever thought about your death?
Hasn't everyone? I've gotta get the elixer of life fast.

Ever been in love?
unfortunately.

Would you rather be in a permanent relationship or play the field?
Permanent so that I can have a freakin wife in the house already.

What is your favorite sport?
I'm like George Michael (AD) when it comes to sports.

What color is your shower curtain?
White

Have you ever had stitches?
No

Did you believe that boys/girls had cooties?
No way jose. I was foreign, so I just pretended and followed everyone else.

Do you know how to use chopsticks?
Yes

Lyrics stuck in your head?
lolli lolli lollipop
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=66yP7UKNf0g

Do you like the Red Sox or Yankees?
Bad choices

What are you doing tomorrow?
Finals again.

Who was the last person you couldn't take your eyes off of?
Last person I was being a creeper was my teacher. I wanted to say thanks, but I got camera shy.

Have you ever given money to a homeless person?
I do it everytime I go to Chicago.

Have you ever run over an animal?
No, but I've seen a train collide with a pigeon

What is your favorite cereal?
golden grahams. good smelling piss.

Have you ever had an Oreo with peanut butter?
Ew that's gotta be dry.

What are you doing right at this moment?
Waiting for the clinic to open.

Do you think its right for straight guys to get their tongue pierced?
Of course. I'd like mine pierced. Ok, i thought about it for more than two seconds. and No i would not.

Where's your favorite place to be?
Being in Chicago. Just a few more days..

What's your favorite song?
Such a hard thing to think about.
Six Different Ways - The Cure : it's a very rounded song for me.

Are you more of a coffee or alcohol drinker?
Coffee, because it's the only thing acceptable to drink when with the children.

Have you ever thrown shoes on a telephone wire?
No. I'm not white.

Have you ever been skinny dipping?
No. I'm not white.

Have you ever been arrested?
No, but sometimes I wake up thinking I did.

Do you dream in black and white?
I dream in cartoon.

Do you talk in your sleep?
On rare occasions, I think I have.

Do you snore?
No

Are you a redneck?
No

Funniest thing you heard all day?
My friend would plagiarize Lord of the Rings for my history class, and she never got caught.

Have you ever gotten a mosquito bite on your face?
No. but bed bugs..

What are you afraid of?
Probably the unknown.

Moon

Yeah, when I hear about a trailer for a film titled, "Moon," I think Twilight. I admit it. That stupid moneymaker has trashed my brain.

But no, Moon is not Twilight.
It looks like an amazing scifi-suspense film of 2009.

construction paper

If I could go back in time, I would definitely invent the construction paper. Imagine how much money I would have now. Its used everyday in almost every kindergarten classroom in the country.

And who thought of creating hats out of construction paper? On my last day in kindergarten, we made april bunny hats (one of my students was a Jehova's Witness) instead of easter bunny hats. Who had the idea of putting a slip of paper around the head and putting it together in a classroom? I wonder.

"In 8th grade math, we’ve fallen to 9th place."

I was disappointed when I heard President Obama's speech about education. It just sounded like whining, even after he got the presidency. I am waiting to hear what his plans are to improve schools across the country.

When he said that the 8th graders were falling to 9th place, he was false.

Spring Break will do ya good

Or is it Spring Break will do you well? I'm not a grammar Nazi, so I'll have to find out from a friend.

I thought a week off from school would rejuvenate me for more school, but it's Sunday and school begins again tomorrow. I'm still feeling a little restricted, and I hope I don't cave into the pressure. Of course there's the saying, "You are what you are" and perhaps I will just have to believe I'm doing alright to be alright.

Memorial

It's pretty amazing that it's been one year already since the terrible day at NIU. I remember a lot of it; from waiting for the bus at 3 to waiting for my ride back home. We stayed away from school for a week, and then we had volunteer counselors coming from all over the states to help the school heal. Classes were changed; assignments were dropped or extended. Safety has also changed around campus. We no longer have late night student desk jobs, and we have hired red coats.

Now it's the first year anniversary of the tragedy, and the bigheads decided to establish a memorial at the place of Cole Hall. I can still remember this past fall semester when new students tried to open the doors of Cole Hall; they don't understand the history of the campus.

You do not get a second chance to make a first impression

True. That's why people are given another chance.
My clinical course textbook gets me irritated sometimes.

It's common sense. You will be treated as you are dressed.

Common sense? Really? Based on what study? My textbook does not citations on anything it is saying. It's not credible in my opinion. If I had a choice, I wouldn't read it.

Last thing:

It is not what is
but what is perceived that counts.

my textbook:
Wong, H., & Wong, R. (2009). The First Days of School. Mountainview: Harry K. Wong Publications.

Expectations from $81

I spent $81 on a textbook for a class I'm not quite sure I need. It's a technology course that's supposed to help future teachers integrate technology and media into their lessons. I took a quick break from reading the assigned chapters because I found something so unspeakable...
I thought a book that costed $81 (used) would be credible and professional, but one of the first things it did was to cite wikipedia. That's right. A college textbook just cited wikipedia.

An urge

I've had an urge to brag; just to say that I'm doing a good job, but I know that no one likes to hear that kind of stuff because I especially don't want to sit around listening to braggers. Some people mistake my humble nature for being shy.

Oh and the picture is irrelevant.

Afghanistan

We will begin to responsibly leave Iraq to its people, and forge a hard-earned peace in Afghanistan.

So President Obama said this in his speech last week. To forge a hard-earned peace in Afghanistan....

“Afghanistan in many ways poses an even more complex and difficult long-term challenge than Iraq — one that, despite a large international effort, will require a significant U.S. military and economic commitment for some time,” the defense secretary and former CIA head wrote.

CNSNews

I can't say I am disappointed that our new president is heading towards Afghanistan; he said it himself in his presidential campaign that we need to spend more than ever in the military budget, but I just didn't want to see more declarations of war.

What's my reason?

Today I was talking to my friend over the phone while I was at the library, and he asked me why I joined the army. He said I should get out. When he was talking about it, I was a little disappointed with his tone. Sure, no one in my family really supports the idea of me in the military (they often ignore it while I'm at home), but my friend is like my high school chum. His opinions matter, and his question kinda hit me. Why did I join? I certainly disagree with a lot of our foreign policies, and I'm very outspoken against the war on "terror."

But what is my reason? what is going to keep me going? I really have no answer, and that really scares me. Maybe life is moving too fast for me right now that I cannot think. Back in the day, I was really spacy and had so much time to think. Of course, back in the day I was not doing all this bullshit I have to do now.

Point of this--
I will find my reasons before it's too late.

LTC memory: Update on something I found

While reminiscing through my old Lj, I found this interesting find. I wrote it after I had my precombat inspection last summer before I went to LTC.

Today I had my PCI and APFT in Dekalb. The PCI (precombat inspection) was to make sure i was ready to leave next wednesday for LTC. the only thing i didn't have with me was two athletic supporters. yuck, why do i need three jock straps? i heard no one wore those. :C i hope someone calls me and say, "nevermind we don't think you need it."
we also had to do the horrible fitness test. i get so anxious to get those over with. i did alright on my situps... average on the run and pushup though. SFC Lewis told me that i have to strive for 300 because soldiers look up to a leader who is physically strong. so i guess i'll aim for that by the end of my college career.

So as an update,
No I did not ever, ever wear those stupid supporters. In fact, they could care less. They never checked the things we brought. The list they gave us must have been old too, because they did not allow OTC medicines including tylenol and claritin. And I had them in my locker for two weeks before realizing I looked like I smuggled in drugs.

And look how youthful I was! To aim for 300 on the APFT. I'd like to see someone else reach that first.

Hamas

Hamas is an Arabic acronym for Islamic resistance movement meaning zeal.

Hamas is divided into political and military branches with the former directing Hamas' vast social service network. The military branch is reportedly divided into three wings: an intelligence arm which gathers information about Palestinians suspected of collaboration, an arm which pursues those who have violated Islamic law and the Izzedine al-Qassam squads who are responsible for most of the terror attacks. The al-Qassam squads are comprised of a few dozen activists loosely organized into small, shadowy terror cells, at times operating independently of each other.

Unlike the more shadowy Islamic Jihad, Hamas is a well-entrenched, all-encompassing presence in daily life in the West Bank and Gaza, administering mosques, schools, clinics, youth groups, athletic clubs and day-care centers. Capitalizing on depleting PLO coffers after the PLO's ill-fated support of Saddam Hussein, Hamas augmented its social service infrastructure, providing Palestinians with essential humanitarian services which the PLO was no longer able to furnish. In fact, 95 percent of Hamas' budget is believed to finance its social service activities.

Why are they so popular?

Many Palestinians are drawn primarily or solely to Hamas' humanitarian services rather than its political and military doctrines. At the same time, the boundaries between Hamas' political/social and its military activities are blurred particularly since Hamas leaders use mosques, kindergartens, and youth clubs as forums for spewing anti-Israel propaganda and mobilizing support for violence against Israel.

When Hamas scored a landslide victory in the Palestinian Authority legislative elections in 2006, the stage was set for a bitter power struggle with Fatah. It has remained steadfast to its pledge never to sign up to a permanent ceasefire while Israel occupies Palestinian territory and its troops are responsible for the deaths of Palestinians.

But if Hamas leaders thought its parliamentary victory would bestow greater credibility on them in the eyes of the international community - or if they thought in any way that they would be given any more leeway - they were mistaken. The new government was subjected to tough economic and diplomatic sanctions by Israel and its allies in the West.

Skirmishes in Gaza with the Fatah-dominated PA security forces escalated to all-out war, in which the well-armed and better-disciplined Qassam Brigades eventually ousted their rivals in May 2007.

The Israeli attacks in Gaza is horrible, and many would think it is unjustifiable. It is definitely wrong to attack civilians and civilian areas, also with reported death counts of 595 killed (close to 195 being children), but let's consider how much brainwashing Hamas has made. Close to 95 percent of their money goes into helping the people. By helping people with medicine, homes, mosques, and schools, they're giving off the impression of their goodness. It becomes easier for the people to accept them. It's not tactic to judge harshly; all countries have done it, and especially the United States. Hamas has done no wrong; we cannot judge them because everyone else has done equally evil things.
I'm not sympathizing with Hamas, nor am I siding with Israel. Israel is going about it the wrong way. The solution would be getting to the people, not killing them. The main thing I want out of this post is to get people to understand the hate and violence. There's really no reason to hate one another, for we have no right to judge.

Quotes from
BBC
ADL

anime lol #3

Gundam 00 Second Season.
Wang Liu Mei finally getting what she needed--a good slap from Ribbons.

LTC memory: DS Baker

Drill Sergeant Baker was a cool DS; he'd get pissed off and yell the shit out of himself at times, but he was still very well respected from all of us. DS Baker was in charge of 1st squad. He took care of my squad and our lieutenant. He was also pretty young; he was the only one not married. In fact, he was only a few years older than me. It's also interesting to think about; in a different life we could have been friends or we could have been enemies. Life takes us in all sorts of possibilities.

The first day we got to learn from him was on our group ice-breaking day where we did all sorts of physical puzzles. We had to work together as a team to solve them. The details in that would be covered later, but during that day we actually smiled and laughed. DS Baker also got kind of bored by the puzzles, and he actually gave us hints on how to solve them. I was grateful for that because he was relating to how we felt. We got to ask him questions about the Army and what he thought of us as a platoon so far. One comment that particularly stood out for me, was when we asked him if he met any fuckups. He talked about one kid who didn't know where he was going and dropping things, and it turned out it was the guy from Africa who was also in our squad! So we all laughed because he didn't even realize that the guy he was insulting was sitting next to him. Of course, in reality drill sergeants don't need to learn names.

Throughout the month there, DS Baker would push us hard along with DS Rhine-Russell and DS Dimick. We did some stupid shit, and of course we had to get punished for them. I was pretty annoyed by all the dumb shit we did, but it was expected I suppose. How would we lead soldiers when we are not even disciplined ourselves? It was a good point, and another reason for NCOs to dislike officers and cadets.

Facebook Ads

I find both ads funny, and I also wonder what words in my information box led facebook into giving me an ad on hair removal treatments. It could be the favorite book sections. "Dorian Gray" might sound like I need hair removal.

I also liked the Arrested Development Tees advertisement. So watery, and yet, with a smack of ham! hot ham water reference rocks!